Spirituality and Childishness…
Say It Isn’t Just Me…
At the age of twenty-four or twenty-five, I visited St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts. The Abbott, the late Father Basil Pennington, introduced me and several other guests who were there to the centering prayer, a practice that would subsequently have major, lasting effects on me.
At one point I had some time alone with Father Basil, something each of us had an opportunity for. At the conclusion of our conversation, I asked if he wouldn’t mind taking a look at a short manuscript I’d written. He was glad to do it. I anticipated some interesting feedback along the lines of how wonderful my writing was and what a depth of spirituality it showed.
When Father Basil returned my paper the next morning he briefly stated that it was in keeping with what he already knew from having spoken with me: that I was a good person. This was communicated with such understated but obvious sincerity that I couldn’t help but feel really happy, uplifted, and annoyed as he proceeded to move on to other topics.
Wish I could have been there to see the expression on my face! But as you can tell, I was still some distance away at the time...
Has anyone else out there ever had a mortifying experience that was good for you in the long run?
At the age of twenty-four or twenty-five, I visited St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts. The Abbott, the late Father Basil Pennington, introduced me and several other guests who were there to the centering prayer, a practice that would subsequently have major, lasting effects on me.
At one point I had some time alone with Father Basil, something each of us had an opportunity for. At the conclusion of our conversation, I asked if he wouldn’t mind taking a look at a short manuscript I’d written. He was glad to do it. I anticipated some interesting feedback along the lines of how wonderful my writing was and what a depth of spirituality it showed.
When Father Basil returned my paper the next morning he briefly stated that it was in keeping with what he already knew from having spoken with me: that I was a good person. This was communicated with such understated but obvious sincerity that I couldn’t help but feel really happy, uplifted, and annoyed as he proceeded to move on to other topics.
Wish I could have been there to see the expression on my face! But as you can tell, I was still some distance away at the time...
Has anyone else out there ever had a mortifying experience that was good for you in the long run?
Posted by Paul at 1:43 AM Permalink
28 Comments:
On the lighter side, once at a party my friend, the host, opened a photo album to pass round to his friends. There were photos of me from our college days. One of the women looked up at me and said in wonder: "Wow, you used to be interesting!"
Thanks for dropping by my blog earlier, but you must leave me the name I left out. I'm ready to begin part two, unless I get distracted and actually write about something serious for a change.
After a psychology professor gave a lecture on night terrors, stating that no one remembers what they were dreaming about or even that they had them, I came up to him and told him that I always remembered my night terrors. He just looked at me, and in that same sincere and friendly manner that you described, said "what you remember is exactly what you're supposed to remember." And then he walked on.
No, not personally mortifying, but I was hoping for some better explanation of what I experienced in childhood.
Hope you are well
Nasra
On the one hand, there are those "let downs," mortifications, or embarassments that do us good in the long run (even though they sting at the time) because the timing happens to be just right for us or because they're delivered with sensitivity and awareness.
On the other hand, there are let downs and mortifications that are delivered to negative effect. I think, for example, of deeply shaming children as a means of disciplining them.
I live 20 minutes away from these Trappists, and I do love their bread. ;-)
http://www.geneseeabbey.org/
...CRYSTAL: But I don't know about that one! I don't understand, unless this guy knew you really well... Even then I really don't get it. It took me the better part of a year to find out meditation worked well for me. It seems to me it's a matter of experimentation, otherwise how could you (let alone somebody else) really know?
You raise a good point: I think psychological and spiritual development are connected but distinct. Everyone I've known well had psychological baggage of some kind and degree. I'm inclined to doubt that it's possible to just skip over dealing with our psychological stuff by taking up spiritual practices.
SPEEDMASTER: You've just rendered me insanely jealous. And I have to admit that the bread - the BREAD!!! - was so intensely fantastic - you mean that rich nut bread kind of thing, right?
Talking with Fr. Basil, learning to meditate, the beautiful chanting at the three AM service, the quiet, the beauty of the surroundings (no telephone wires that I could see) - but yes... the bread... It's on my short list of most memorable foods I've eaten.
I even thought about stealing some. LOL! True confessions, I kid you not! Never would have remembered this if you hadn't brought it up, but I remember trying to figure out if there was some way I could get a big hunk of it in my jacket pocket before I left but I had nothing to put it into and it was crumbly. And I have no history of stealing, not even as a little kid!
It must be a kind of spiritual test for visitors...
VISHESH: Also, there are different kinds of prayer. Probably the major distinction, at least in Christianity, is between contemplative prayer or meditation and petitionary prayer. They are very different activities.
For the rest, you're talking about maybe what could be called ritualism that is rather literal-minded? I guess in most or maybe all religions many adherents look at things that way. Like you, this isn't my perspective.
And I'm sure every religion has its corrupt leaders. Too bad there wasn't some sort of "spiritual IQ test" for entering that line of work. Maybe the bread thing I mentioned in my reply above to Speedmaster would work, lol...
A few times in my life I have been insensitive and guilty of humiliating someone else when I should not have. I could kick myself for having done that.
Crystal, I think your Zen instructor was being insensitive.
Some people attach much importance to statues shedding tears or bleeding, tree limbs they think look like the crucified Jesus... In scripture itself you have accounts of things like Jesus walking on water, turning water into wine, withering a fig tree...
It would be good to hear from someone to whom these things matter. Personally I'd have trouble explaining it. I'd much rather witness, say, one child cured of AIDS or malaria because a drug company made the medicine available at low cost than witness a statue emitting any sort of body fluid or a feat involving water.
Jesus saying that in his view the two greatest commandments are to love others and love God - I understand how something like that matters. If there were more of that going around, people wouldn't be dying all over the world every day from treatable diseases.
SUSIEQ: Know what you mean there. Seems like a whole lot of learning takes place as the cumulative effect of such little experiences.
Try adding the HTML page element?
DAMSEL IN DISTRESS: Yeah, they give this html to copy and paste and I do and I get nuthin'. NUTHIN'!!!
Thanks for allowing these rants, here and on your blog. Maybe you can be my technological therapist.
VISHESH: You may have used the word "miracle" to refer to two distinct sorts of things. What do you think?
THURSDAYNEXT: I think so too. This kind of thing happened to me in my teens and twenties but once I got into my thirties I find it hard to come up with anecdotes along these lines.
I guess by that age we've come to know it all, lol...
One Wednesday night this young nice looking fellow decided to go all 'demon' on me at the altar call and I had to take him down.
I held him there as he twisted, snarled, and hurled profanities at me. Even though his growling outburst was glossolaliac, it was definitely swearing of some kind!
Naturally everybody ran forward to cast out the demon(s)and love bombed him. I finally released him after he had calmed down and promised not to try and bite me or anyone else for that matter.
As he was leaving I took him aside and suggested that he go back on his Meds. One of the other ushers overheard me and told me that I was "of little faith that the healing wouldn't 'stick'" as he shook his head in disgust.
I felt guilty and terrible. However a few months later I found out that our 'demon' was notorious for doing the circuit whenever he abandoned his treatment.
Two decades later I realise that the other usher was full of crap and was 'getting all Salem' on me just to make himself feel superior. That incident kickstarted the dormant common sense portion of my brain and I began to untangle myself from the entire subculture.
Hallelujah!
In fact, if anyone notices this remark, I say let's keep 'em guessing. There can't be many pairs like us hanging around in cyberspace - or bars, restaurants, on the job, at the beach... People in our sort of relationship would pretty much never be seen out in public together at all, LOL...!
HOMO ESCAPEONS: Wow. I ought to post more on "religious experience." Many would put this sort of recurrent demonic possession/expulsion in that category. Yet it has nothing at all in common with what happens, say, at monasteries.
Which brings to mind something I've picked up on recently and wondered about: from what I've been able to see on a small number of blogs, some Christians appear to be seriously bothered with the contemplative practices central to monastic life - and which, practiced outside the monastery, I suspect may often prevent people from needing help from medications or exorcists or bouncers!I even saw an entire blog devoted to telling readers that meditation and contemplative prayer are pointles and ridiculous.
I really don't know what their objections are. The only thing that's clear from what I've read is that these are individuals who have no understanding of the experience either first hand or through studying religion.
Maybe becos I started questioning those.
Hindus believe in rebirth. So do I to some extent.
When we suspend these things it makes room for another kind of experience. I think most people probably have intimations of it even when they don't practice contemplative prayer or meditation.
GAUTAMI: Good point, people do often include the "paranormal" in their view of religious experience. When you think about it, the category "religious experience" is so broad that it probably isn't very useful unless you break it down further into subcategories.
Yes, I'd agree - reincarnation is an example of a religious belief in distinction from something known through direct experience.
I should probably add that it isn't always so easy to get to the level of discussing experience itself. People often place belief-based interpretations on their experiences as soon as they articulate them and without even noticing it.
SOULPEACE: It is strange, isn't it? Quakers as a group are known to be peaceful - a strange form of demonic possession! And the same can be said for Buddhists, another religious group that emphasizes contemplation. Also Sufism within Islam.
And of course the same goes for individuals who practice contemplative prayer and meditation - say St. Theresa of Avila or Thomas Merton within Christianity. Or Ghandi!
Such well behaved representatives of Satan! I do wish someone who has a negative view of contemplative prayer/meditation would post a comment. I did try engaging the person I mentioned whose whole blog is devoted to anti-contemplative postings but she wouldn't post my comments... playing it safe, I guess, lol...
But that's neither here nor there. I digress....
So here's the deal. This lovely woman is a midget.
One of the guests commented about all of the "baby" weight I had lost (I had recently given birth to daughter #2).
My answer: "My one weakness is Coke. But instead of drinking 1 can per day, I limit myself to one of those new midget Cokes that you can now buy. They are only 8 oz. versus 12."
I was horrified after I'd said that. I am horrified even now, 2 years later, at the thought.
The lovely woman didn't bat an eye. She played it off in an effort to make me feel better about my terrible choice of words. She quickly started discussing soft drinks and gave me a warm smile, as if to say she was not angry.
But even now, it is a reminder for me to think before I open my mouth.
That kind of thing's embarassing and memorable - I know I've done something like that before too, can't recall specifics... (Repression!) But even though it's a good thing that we learn not to put our foot in our mouth that same way again, it seems to me these aren't the kind of embarassments, however acute they are, that teach us much about our egoism or self centeredness since that's basically not their cause. We're betrayed by certain pitfalls lurking in words themselves.
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