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I have an M.A. in religious studies from the University of Chicago Divinity School and an M.Ed. in counseling from the University of New Hampshire.
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Saturday, May 03, 2008Magnifying SufferingUnhappiness about being unhappy is a tremendous source of human suffering. It magnifies suffering of every kind. It can turn potentially small and transitory discomforts into torments and can make major pain unbearable. It can even refract and distort light from odd angles, so that we are unhappy not about unhappiness but about lacking things that we only imagine would make us happy.
Posted by Paul at 11:30 PM Permalink
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24 Comments:
my thoughts are with you.
i magnify my suffering, therefore i am limiting myself.
Such simple faith is not rational though. It happens only when it happens.
But I see that faith in God can play its part in magnifying suffering, because the expectation of favours can lead to disappointment and a sense of being abandoned.
I find that a profane song as sung by Kenny Rogers (the Gambler) has more wisdom in it than most of the hymn-book:
Now evr'y gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
'Cause ev'ry hands a winner and ev'ry hands a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
I still believe obscurely in some higher power but day to day get more comfort in accepting that I am an animal produced by Evolution, albeit one with special powers, including the power to torture myself to no benefit.
When it becomes counterproductive and a “magnifier” that we’re better off without is when our unhappiness about our unhappiness becomes a kind of tape or loop that gets played over and over in our minds to uselessly increase our suffering in situations where we cannot or will not do something about its source.
MISTI: Thanks, and I think pretty much as well as possible.
And seems to me that everyone does that to some extent – that it's a matter of trying to do better with it.
VINCENT: Both sound right - that religion sometimes magnifies suffering in the way that you describe, and that religion sometimes works to reduce the complicated and unnecessary forms of suffering. Buddhism, for example, tackles this directly.
Those lines always stuck in my mind too.
GOLLYGEE: You never seem to hear people talk about that, but it makes sense as an initial reaction.
Vincent, suffering based on religion is a choice we make internally. Of course, religious institutions would have people believe that the institutions themselves (and especially tithing to them) will provide the avenues by which all suffering ends. Whether or not we choose to believe that is... well, a choice. If we are to suffer from our own internal dialogue, that is likely to happen regardless of religion.
I believe one must differentiate psychology from spirituality. In my view, they are neither interchangeable nor interdependent.
TIMJAMZ: I very much agree with the remarks you've directed to me here.
I'd add that when things go very badly, going through a process where you come out the other side having come to terms with it in the stongest and most positive way possible can be the difference between integrity and despair and even literal life or death.
(as for the comment on depression, I was relieved when I was diagnosed. Once it had a name it had a presence I could begin to deal with more constructively...my bleak vision was no longer the absolute "truth" about the world.)
reminds me of an old Stones song...
"When I'm watchin' my TV
And that man comes on to tell me
How white my shirts can be"
This obscene culture of consumerism seems to have finally reached it's nadir and now the whole thing is starting to slide backwards like some gigantic avalanche.
They lied but we bought it...hook, line, and 'sinker'.
My thoughts are with you buddy...fight the good fight...this world needs to hear what you're saying.
You can say you have a positive outlook on the surface, but if deep down, you don't really believe that, you are undermining the positive with negative energy. The resulting situations offer lessons. We can always learn faith.
Healthy people may assume people with health problems must have done something to deserve their discomfort in a previous life. I disagree. People I've met and read about with disease or serious disabilities offer some of the strongest examples of love on the planet. People with their physical health have other lessons to learn that people with health issues already grasp on a different level. Matti Stepanek is a powerful inspiration to me.
CURE OF ARS: What you say is true. Prior to this very difficult health situation, I know for a fact, looking back, that although I was a compassionate person when I was healthy, I really couldn’t have grasped what something like this is like – just as there are plenty of other sorts of difficulties that people experience that I know I can’t really get my head around except just “kind of.”
But being aware of the limits on one’s own knowledge – I think that’s a wonderful, helpful, and truthful attitude to bring to the suffering of others. It prevents the judgmentalism and condescension, usually unconscious, which, since becoming severely and obviously handicapped, I’ve sometimes found directed my way.
Thank you!
DONN: Yep – we’re eating the earth like a cookie. The age of consumerism ends or it ends by consuming us. India and China growing up, so to speak, to be like the US – that won’t work. Until the leadership of my country sets an example on the environment, I regret to say that the “shining city on a hill” concept is not just false but absurd. The environmental issue has assumed a consequentiality that’s literally global and trans-generational, and the richest country on the planet is failing to lead.
To play on the conventional political “wisdom” here in recent decades:
“It’s the planet, stupid.”
I wish we had a candidate with that for a slogan and a public ready to hear and vote accordingly.
I appreciate your encouragement. And actually, the reason my blogging has slowed is that I’m doing just what you say. Original Faith, the book, is the best I have to offer; I have to be part of the effort of gearing up to make it available here on my site at a time when the disease progression is accelerating. Really want it to be up and running this summer…
LIARA: Religious/spiritual topics can be so hard to communicate about – the same words can have different meanings and connotations for different people. And I think it may be that communication tends to be especially difficult between people like us, who have perspectives that are overlapping – similar in some ways and maybe different in others.
You’re one of those people who, if I were healthy and talking to, I have the feeling we’d need several conversations till maybe 2 AM to figure out each others’ perspectives!
Speaking of which, I agree with your comment except that in the first sentence I’m not clear on the distinction you intend between “perspective” and “attitude,” which sound so similar.
It's all a big farce really, maybe we should embrace unhappiness.. or maybe that would detract from it..!
LEILA: That's true - seems like somehow people often end up expecting that at some point in the future, once X,Y, and Z have happened, then once and for all they'll be happy. But life doesn't work that way.
To me the main thing is not being unnecessarily unhappy. If a source of suffering can’t be changed, continuing to focus attention on it in a repetitively bemoaning or resentful sort of way just adds to unhappiness. Of course, easier said than done. It can take tremendous effort to break out of those sorts of loops but it’s very much worthwhile.
thank you for leaving me a comment and its nice to meet a religious person like you here in the blogsphere.
regards,
ghee
What a great news that your book "Original Faith" will be available this year.
Congratulations!
I'm so very, very happy!
I stopped blogging (please, visit my lingevity blog), so please tell me when your book be available.
Much blessings for you!
I saw your comment on The Gimp Parade and I followed your profile over to this blog. I am adding you to my blogroll right away.
With regards to suffering:
At this point in my life, I see my physical suffering--the result of my bone cancer and lupus--as more life-affirming than anything else. The pain reminds me that I'm still alive. I didn't have any faith in my ability to overcome hardship until I became severely disabled. Living with the level of pain that I have to deal with daily reminds me of just how strong I am.
In a way, the pain strengthens my spirit. I don't exactly LIKE being in pain but I no longer feel particularly unhappy about having to deal with it. The physical pain has made my lifelong chronic depression easier to deal with. I've come to accept and embrace it as a part of who I am, just as being left-handed and brown-eyed.
KRYSTYNA: I appreciate your interest very much – will let you know for sure and have also made a note of your new blog’s URL. My own blogging has to take a back seat to book-related tasks for now but I’m hoping once it’s out I can go back to spending a higher percent of my time blogging –
BINT ALSHAMSA: Thanks for letting me know, I’ve reciprocated the link.
I can tell from your comment and blog that you understand, first hand, the difficulty of a failing body and that we’re going through something similar. Strength, more than I could have imagined knowing, has been something positive I’ve found emerge from my condition. And just as you suggest, nothing that anyone would choose - but there it is.
Really good to run into you.
Blessings,
Lance
www.lancessoulsearching.com
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