Meditation on Pain, Especially Toenails

(Thank you to Lisa at Mommy Mystic for inviting me to guest post. I like Lisa's writing. She's a good thinker and she expresses herself clearly in a subject area where this isn't always easy.)

Overcompensating
One thing leads to another, and the other day I had another toenail pulled out and cauterized. I’ve been housebound for . . . I’m losing track. Think it will be five years in December. Podiatrists are the only specialists who’ll come to your home, so every now and then I have one come over and yank out another toenail to compensate for the sensory deprivation.

This time it hurt quite a bit, but the first time I had this procedure done it hurt a lot more – maybe because it was the big toe or maybe because there was a miscommunication between me and the podiatrist that left her with the unfortunate impression that I wanted the injections done with unusual slowness. They do two injections, each directly into a nerve at the base of the toe. The injections are to numb your toe prior to yanking out your nail. And although the pulling and tugging and scraping make you a little queasy, getting the nail yanked out is sort of a treat because you're so happy not to have needles in your toe nerves.

Alternate Universe
I was surprised the injections were so painful. For several years I was misdiagnosed with Myofascial Pain Syndrome and received hundreds of trigger point injections. Then, for another several years after the doctors clearly saw that they had absolutely no idea what I have, I got pretty much every blood test ever devised. So the human pin cushion thing was no big deal. At most, those injections only pinched. (Btw, acupuncture is nothing – don’t ever hesitate if it seems worth trying. The needles don’t penetrate into the skin enough to hurt.)

But that first toe nail removal was interesting. With her initial slow, deliberate and steady intrusion into my nerve (sorry for the racy language), it was like my mind collapsed into a black hole and I emerged in an alternate universe called My Toe Really Hurts. When the doctor asked if I was ready for the second injection I said OK only because I knew it would be unreasonable to request a few more hours in the Milky Way Galaxy to think it over.

Om vs. Ouch
Anyway, between that first time and this time, I’d wondered about my state of mind once I'd said Yes to the needle. And this time, maybe because it hurt a little less - but I think more because I was wondering and noticing - I saw what my mind does.

Kind of hard to describe, but it’s like just before I say “OK” I make my mind go blank, only in a very alert way. It’s really passive but really alert. Just before the needle goes in, I pretty much succeed in paying a whole lot of attention but thinking about nothing at all - which, in an odd way, reminds me of meditation. I have to say, however, that once I get the needle, my mind is no longer blank and becomes “Owwwww" instead of “Om," making me one with my toe.

What do you do with your mind when you know something is about to hurt a lot? And while it’s actually hurting, can you say Om or just Ouch?