Spiritual Streamlining Elaborated
From last time . . .
Streamline the process. Get over it -- whatever it is – in no more time than it has to take. No lingering.
Learn how to get to, “What’s done is done” – or you will be finished given enough misfortune.
Enter the larger room each time, closing the door behind you.
To elaborate . . .
Timjamz and Fr. Scott left comments to the previous thread that make me want to add a couple things:
Processing v. Lingering: “Streamlining” or moving on efficiently is certainly easier said than done. And some things do take processing time – for example, major losses – but this is a different sort of thing than the “lingering” mentioned above.
Mindfulness: Though easier said than done, there are ways to go about it. Most of them fall into the broad category of mindfulness. The essence of mindfulness is to notice one’s repetitive, unproductive thoughts and their associated agitated emotions. Observe that they are occurring – “That again!” – rather than get caught up in a full session of ranting, bemoaning, resenting, “if-onlying” etc.
My personal reference point for this post: year sixteen of an incurable illness that has seen me lose one physical ability/form of independence after another. I've needed to learn how to move on expeditiously in order to survive, and I’d have to assume that it would be the same for anyone who gets hit hard enough/long enough by major adversity.
Streamline the process. Get over it -- whatever it is – in no more time than it has to take. No lingering.
Learn how to get to, “What’s done is done” – or you will be finished given enough misfortune.
Enter the larger room each time, closing the door behind you.
To elaborate . . .
Timjamz and Fr. Scott left comments to the previous thread that make me want to add a couple things:
Processing v. Lingering: “Streamlining” or moving on efficiently is certainly easier said than done. And some things do take processing time – for example, major losses – but this is a different sort of thing than the “lingering” mentioned above.
Mindfulness: Though easier said than done, there are ways to go about it. Most of them fall into the broad category of mindfulness. The essence of mindfulness is to notice one’s repetitive, unproductive thoughts and their associated agitated emotions. Observe that they are occurring – “That again!” – rather than get caught up in a full session of ranting, bemoaning, resenting, “if-onlying” etc.
My personal reference point for this post: year sixteen of an incurable illness that has seen me lose one physical ability/form of independence after another. I've needed to learn how to move on expeditiously in order to survive, and I’d have to assume that it would be the same for anyone who gets hit hard enough/long enough by major adversity.
Posted by Paul at 5:50 PM Permalink
20 Comments:
Has she found a way to cope with your illness? It surely must be hard for her to watch her son's health deteriorate like it has and know there is nothing she can do about it. I wonder if it isn't a story different from your own for your mom.
Speaking as a mother, I think I would find it difficult not to be grief stricken most of the time if you were my son and I had to watch you go through what you describe that you go through.
How do you help your mom deal with her own grief over your loss of health, if in fact she does grieve?
I hope I am not being too personal by mentioning your mom. If you feel that I have been, just delete this.
My guru says that all it takes to find peace/realization is just blink of an eye.
People struggle all their lives in search of peace while all it takes is just a moment of clarity.
If it can't be found in moment it can't be found in a life time.
there is no "--ing".You are sad or you are happy.There is no process of find--ing something.you have found it or you haven't.
Just that simple.
Big hug of thanks coming your way. I am going to print this post off and tuck into my special place where I save magical, meaningful posts...for the days I have spiritual amnesia... :-)
it is easy on one hand to say its all up there and another to understand that up there..personally for me the smallest things have big significances...this I find more because when I don't use my ego as a shield with a few people , the way certain action of theirs seem to wake the ego is amazing...it is not just the question of self control here , it is more to do with understanding your self... well we can all we want about ourselves , maybe to others we are just another brick in the wall...
Bingo. That experience of helplessness affects everyone who knows you well but it’s affected no one as much as my mom.
I literally can’t get out of the house and she’s not in a good situation, which includes being unable to drive and severe short term/substantial long term memory loss. It’s been hard both ways – not being of any practical use to each other.
I'm able to call her for a little while most days, and the things I do that seem to help the most are joke about our situations; once in a while talk seriously; and reminisce with her.
The humor thing may sound odd, but I think it’s really helped her come to terms with her memory loss. Example: when she’s taking an exceptionally long time to come up with the right word for something, I’ll sometimes questioningly fill in the blank with a word that’s perfectly ridiculous…!
This is actually funnier than it sounds, because when you're dealing with someone whose mind has slowed down, it takes them a few seconds to process that what you just said is completely silly. The fact that they bothered to put so much attention on your ridiculous remark makes it twice as ludicrous, if you see what I mean!
(Helpful tip: Don't try this with elderly people you don't know well!)
DESPERADO: That sounds right to me too – that spiritual experience is a matter of becoming aware of reality in the present, which can happen in an instant. At the same time, it seems to me that there’s a process of spiritual development – of integrating such experiences into one’s personal identity and day to day life.
JAN, really appreciate it. Have to say that I’m likewise familiar with your concept of “spiritual amnesia” and think that’s a nicely “streamlined” way to put it!
VISHESH: I’d have to say yes, yes and no. Yes, the ego can be attached to little things, even highly attached. And yes, it’s about developing a better perspective. But no – it’s not like there’s no distinguishing major losses from relatively minor ones. If someone is upset about losing his pen he’ll forget about it the moment he loses his arm…
The humor thing does NOT sound odd to me. It was through her sense of humor, which she has turned into an art form, that my sister was able to survive some very trying periods in her life. Her therapist at the time told her that her sense of humor was her greatest asset in dealing with adversity. Sometimes our only recourse is to laugh about it some. It takes the edge off.
And I like the way you tease your mom into laughing about her memory loss by suggesting a ridiculous word when she is searching for the right one. It made me laugh just imagining the exchange that must take place between you two. Next time my husband is slow to come up with the right word,which he is from time to time, I might try that with him. Hopefully he'll find it funny.
Tell your mom I am into the "senior moments" of my life now along with most of my friends of the same age. So, I know how it feels. Wish her a Happy Mother's Day from me.
Hope your health is doing good, :)
as far as what this and the earlier post says --I know there are certain things that I cannot get over with...that I cannot close doors on...those are my real limitations
rather than fighting to get over it, what I do is to let that be passsive in me...No brooding over anything...take it as it is..and moving on comes natural,
I know there could be contradictions in what I say from an outsiders view...what I mean is I don't force myself with what I cannot.
My mind seems peaceful with that, Paul :)
wishes,
devika
I agree with the guru...a state of mind can change just by wishing it so, and believing...
As God works outside of time, so can our spirit!
Maybe not brooding over the things we can't get over is a step toward getting over them, or at least toward substantial healing.
FIREBIRD: It’s true that moments occur in some lives, usually once in a lifetime, of powerful experience and insight that in a sense really does change the person in an instant - for example, the Buddha's enlightenment experience. But even in such cases, there's a great deal of processing of the experience afterward - and I think it really never stops, especially after very powerful experiences.
MISTIPURPLE: So your eyes are not the same size and your head is a different size... from your eyes? At least that last would seem to be a good thing...
I have had a very difficult stage -- to the extent having lost myself and vitually dead for many days following a nervous attack...when I was 22-23...and after that I had to literally start from scratch with practicing a,b,c,d as a child,
God's grace was that my memory system wasn't affected :)
wishes,
devika
DEVIKA: Do you mean a stroke? Recently there was a book out by a woman who had a religious experience during a stroke. I guess it all depends on just what part of the brain is affected. Her language was also knocked out but slowly returned.
"Aha!" she crowed. "That's what I call the pillow point," and I went "aha!" too and now when things are too hard to hold, I remember the pillow and put them down.
The other was a suggestion to set the oven timer for fifteen minutes. For that time, one was to agonize, weep, gnash one's teeth and generally carry on. The moment the buzzer went off, all drama was to stop. The next time the dreadful thought occurred that had precipitated the drama , one was to remind one's self: "I've already been upset about that. No need to go through all that again."
Both tricks have helped me through some nasty situations, though none as trying as what you are going through. Both support your idea of moving on, however, a tactic I find useful indeed.
All i know is that I had lost balance (couldn't stand on my feet) and was in bed for months..every nerve was weakened..i couldn't open my eyes...it took one and half years for me to recover to somewhat normal levels,
and yes, comething unusual occured to me in one of those days...sort of seeing the other world...thats what they call hallucination, i think :)
wishes,
devika
DEVIKA: With her background, I bet Firebird could give you a better idea of how consistent all that is with a stroke.
but frankly speaking, science of the human body is one thing I am not much interested in...know nothing about it! :)
wishes,
devika
"Different strokes for different folks." (Maybe only an American English idiom; it means that different people are interested in different things.)
devika
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